I was at DC Zine Fest and a shifty dude came up to my table and said, "I heard you're the goth to talk to around here." He looked like he'd been wearing the same pair of pants for god knows how long, but he didn't smell like anything. Totally weird, right?

We chatted for a while about weird stuff happening in the world today, he said his name was Death (way cool!! much cooler than "julia eff"!!) and asked if the rumors about me selling other people's perzines now were true.

Well, they sure are, and after negotiating a brief wholesale deal I'm pleased to announce the latest perzine addition in the CRAPANDEMIC family: WHEN DEATH KNOCKS.

This is a poignant, no-bones-about-it look at what it's like to have one of the weirdest jobs in the death care industry--being a Transition Officer. Personal anecdotes and tales of struggle & madness from life on the job are interspersed with deep dives into the origins of some of our dying-related slang. Death's happy with his work as an entry-level stiff but it's hard, emotionally, as is any job in the world of death & dying, y'know? But he's a great guy, and he seems genuinely compassionate for the people he meets in his day-to-day life.

If you've ever wanted to know what happens when T.O.s get their work orders crossed, the inside scoop on the light at the end of the tunnel, why it's good to not be God, or you love page numbers framed with tiny tombstones, this is the zine for you. It's equal parts Ask A Mortician, spooky graveyard tours, Mary Roach's book Stiff, and those compilation books from megachain bookstores that explain the interesting stories behind things we take for granted in life. It's emotional and utterly fascinating.

I don't know when I'll run into Death again (he didn't mention if he's DC local or traveled in from out of town), but hopefully when I do I can pick up the next issue!

WHEN DEATH KNOCKS is 24 pages, quarter size (4.25" x 5.5"), typed, hand-collaged, and photocopied. Amulet of immortality not included.